The stories were hyperbolic. Like- very much historical fiction vibe. I know parts of it are true but Elizabeth definitely gets narrative about the situation and experiences in a way that seem very embellished. 

This title caught my attention because it perfectly described the lazy medical gaslighting my mom was subjected to over and over again for years before she finally learned she had terminal cancer. Every doctor had told her, literally, it was in her head and several of them prescribed her antidepressants. It was only during COVID when she moved in with me and I got her into MD Anderson that the head of the department, a woman, listened, had her tested, and confirmed it was cancer (I, a layperson, suspected cancer, even though none of those other highly educated ones did!). Because it was COVID, the subsequent testing to determine the type and stage of cancer she had took three times longer than normal, even though the #1 enemy of treating cancer is time. By the time she was given definitive news, she was told her only option was palliative hospice care. The cancer that was in her small intestine had metastasized to her liver, her skin, her breasts, her lungs, and basically her whole body. She died three weeks later. Her initial concern was her inability to eat without vomiting. Doctors told her it was because she was stressed and upset. Basically, they wanted her to stop being an emotional woman. If anyone needed to stop being an emotional woman, it was me, because I was pissed. I’m still pissed. If even one of those doctors had taken her more seriously and listened to her, she might still be alive and healthy today. She deserved better. Certainly, she didn’t have to suffer as much as she did for as long as she did.

In my own experience, a doctor misdiagnosed frozen shoulder and ended up telling me my only course of action available would be an expensive stem cell injection which would be temporary and would not be covered by insurance. (Asians and diabetics are highly susceptible to frozen shoulder, so this shouldn't have been a medical conundrum to him, especially given he was Asian too!) There was also my gynecologist. I'd grown several grapefruit sized tumors in my uterus called fibroids, and I was told they take years to grow. Given I was getting annual exams, I was shocked to learn how big they were because no one else had realized I had them. I was so grateful, but I dropped this doctor for three reasons: 1) she kept insisting I didn't need an hysterectomy since I was still in my 30s and fertile, 2) she scoffed at my question about how I would recognize menopause after an hysterectomy, given I wouldn't get a period afterward, and 3) she laughed at me when I told her I was more comfortable with women gynecologists since they ought to understand the female body better than a man and then told me hers was a man and she was very happy with him. (She also kept me waiting at least 45 minutes every time, and I just got fed up.)

So I already knew, instinctively, everything this book covered. Of course I didn't necessarily know all the medical content or medical history, but none of it was surprising. All of it was enraging. I would like to say that I'd recommend every medical student, especially men, read this book. Unfortunately, I fear they would dismiss me the same way all the men in the book dismissed women as unknowing, wrong, hysterical. For all the advances we've made, I don't think we've come as far as we want to think we have, as far as we absolutely need to be. I fear these advances will degenerate with MAGA policies waiting to be implemented and all the damage we are already seeing with antiabortion, anti LGBTQ+, and misogynistic practices already executed since the 45th administration.

I'm lucky in that I live in Houston. It's the largest medical center in the world. But this means that there are probably as many horrible doctors as there are excellent ones, and that it takes me many trials before finding doctors I can trust. This means lost time - both time spent and time taken off work - and lost costs in copays, tests, prescriptions, and even procedures. But it was also the only place that was able to give my mother the diagnosis we needed to know, even though it literally killed her.

If you are interested in learning more, I'd also recommend three other books I read this year, all of which I thought were excellent:
- Say Anarcha: A Young Woman, a Devious Surgeon, and the Harrowing Birth of Modern Women's Health by JC Hallman
- The Woman They Could Not Silence: One Woman, Her Incredible Fight for Freedom, and the Men Who Tried to Make Her Disappear by Kate Moore
- It's Not Hysteria: Everything You Need to Know About Your Reproductive Health (but Were Never Told) by Dr. Karen Tang


Update three days later:
I finished this book on Thursday. The very next day, I had an appointment with my doctor. It was a routine diabetic checkup. I explained to him I was ok with my blood test results, but a couple numbers were trending in the wrong direction, which made me uneasy. I explained all the ways I was combating those numbers and wanted help to reverse them back in the right direction. He chastised me for my concern since the numbers were still good and then proceeded to tell it was all in my head (literally used those words). He concluded the meeting by reiterating that my numbers were fine and that there wasn’t anything he could do since they were ok (again implying, therefore, what he explicitly said before - the problem was with me in my head, and then explicitly suggesting that maybe I should switch therapists since mine was obviously ineffective or go back to my dietician since she had helped me in the past). He then continued by again minimizing my concern that everything was fine and I should relax.

I’ve been in a bit of shock ever since. I’ve spent the weekend processing it, and I’ve decided to send him a copy of this book and explain I’ll be shopping for another doctor, one who will hear me when she listens and will actually take me seriously. I have the power and the right to be heard, and with all the doctors in this city, I’ll eventually find one who will.