I can totally do the keeping quiet and not being emotional part (it seems in line with what I know about reinforcing behavior: don't overreact to negative behavior, because it's still a reaction, which is what they're after), but I'm curious about the whole "time out" system because I didn't grow up with that. So do I do what my parents did (corporal punishment) because, from my experience, it's effective? Or do I try out this new, foreign method and hope the child psychologists are right? Something I hope I won't have to think about until a good few years later.

This was an excellent book on parenting young children. I like how it focuses on making space for the child to reflect and correct their own behavior without the parent wasting words or actions in anger. I admit that I only implement it imperfectly but it has given me a rubric so to speak. I love the philosophy this book is based on of treating young children as children and not expecting more of them than is reasonable. I liked that it emphasized how counting works best for stopping negative behavior while using a kitchen timer or rewards help with solidifying positive behavior.

Awful book. Their method is all about eliminating "problem" behavior. And yes, I suppose the method is good at stopping a behavior you don't like once the child starts doing it. But the child only stops the behavior because they're threatened with a punishment and they don't want the punishment. Not because they're being taught the correct way to behave instead. The book doesn't at all address teaching the child to have their own self-discipline when an adult isn't around to monitor their behavior. It doesn't at all address trying to find the root cause of the behavior to figure out why the child was behaving that way in the first place and teaching the child to express their needs/wants in a more appropriate manner. There's only a brief chapter at the end about active listening and even in that chapter they mention threatening a timeout if the child starts to get too worked up during the conversation.

This book is all about using punishments and rewards to control your kids behavior and not at all about compassionately and kindly disciplining your kids and teaching them how to have their own self-discipline.

I highly recommend Kids Are Worth It by Barbara Coloroso and Positive Discipline by Jane Nelsen instead.

This book isn't bad, but it wasn't fabulous or earth shattering or really that great. It gave me some ideas, which I tried, but I didn't find the technique very helpful. My daughter simply waited until 3. Ah well.

I didn’t actually read this book, just a pdf shared with us by a behavioral therapist. The counting technique from this book is the number one way we get our kid to do things. Telling them to do something NOW has no effect and makes everyone involved annoyed at each other. That said, in our case there’s an important reason it works- our kid has major auditory processing delays and needs those cues and time to catch up. So this way of giving directions feels like a scaffold rather than a threat. It’s saved us a lot of yelling/repeating and because they are so responsive to it we hardly ever get to the time-out part. Our household is calmer and more stable because of this method. I know some people think people using time outs causes irreparable harm to kids but that’s not borne out by evidence and doesn’t account well for neurodiversity. This ADHD family is grateful to have a tool that works, and I feel fairly secure in saying that my kid feels loved and that I parent better when things are structured. My kid is not going to suddenly be capable of hearing auditory information on the first try, so I think it’s important we have alternatives to cajoling, badgering and yelling. Two additions, modifications we use- removing a distraction before asking for focus to get eye contact first and sometimes adding a one word reminder of the request on 2 (“That’s two, shoes.”) Bottom line, don’t be afraid to try this technique and don’t buy into shame if it works (or doesn’t!) work for you. But maybe you don’t need to read the whole book either.

I took my time with this book so I could highlight and take notes. Some things I found super helpful and can work for my family and other things I could see I could skip entirely. Overall I found it to be one of the better parenting books that I’ve read so far.

I read this at the recommendation of a coworker who could see I was struggling with classroom management. She said that although there is a teacher version, this one is better. After finishing it and returning it to her, I did buy my own copy so I could reference it again if need be. I don't necessarily find myself using the 1-2-3 strategy specifically, but I have tried to at least stick to my guns with the system I do have in place (being at a better school this year has helped with that!). I'm sure I'll revisit it many times for ideas when I find myself stumped.

Exactly what I needed to read to prepare for the teenage years with my three. Extremely insightful.